In this guide, Ania provides some expert tips on how to give touch that will have you melting into each others arms.
Many of us aren’t receiving the kind of intimate touch we truly crave—touch that not only turns us on but also makes us feel nurtured, held, safe, and seen.
Too often, intimate exchanges are rushed and focused on quick climaxes. You may long for something slower and deeper but aren’t sure how to access it. Maybe you lack confidence in giving touch. Or you touch out of habit. Perhaps your touch is driven by ego and expectation.
To experience transcendent pleasure, we need time, presence and the freedom to let go of expectations. Both expectations that we place upon ourselves and our partners.
In this guide, Tantra Massage Practitioner Ania has shares her expert tips on how to give intimate touch that will boost your confidence as a lover and have you and your lover melting into each others arms.
Start Practising ‘Mindful Touch’
The key to transforming ‘nice’ touch into ‘ecstatic’ touch is your presence. Here's a great exercise you can practice that fosters mindfulness, curiosity, and presence through the exploration of touch. Cultivating these qualities allows you to build confidence by shifting your focus out of your ‘thinking’ mind and into the present moment. Try adding this practice to your daily routine—it will not only enhance your intimate touch but also bring more mindfulness to your everyday life.
Mindful Hands Practice
Sit in a comfortable, supported position.
Choose an object from around the house, such as a pen, cushion, coin, decorative object or even a spoon. You can also go outside and find something natural like a rock, leaf, or flower.
Rest the object in the palm of your hand and take a few deep, conscious breaths.
Begin exploring the object with your fingers. Notice every texture and groove, its weight and temperature. Alternate between letting your hands touch the object and allowing the object to ‘touch’ your hands. Run it along your finger pads, between your fingers, the edges of your hand, and the back of your hand. Notice all the sensations in your hands. Remain curious.
Continue for 10–15 minutes.
To finish, rest the object in your hand and sit still for a few minutes to let the practice sink in.
Reflect on what you experienced, the sensations you felt, and note any distractions that arose.
How to Give Ecstatic Intimate Touch
Before You Start: Setting the Scene
Prepare your space – Make it warm, intimate and inviting with soft lighting, scented candles, or incense. Warm up some coconut oil ready for massage and consider adding props like a silk scarf or textured items for sensation play. This helps set the mood and encourages relaxation, making it easier to be present.
Ask a question – Simply ask your partner how and where they want to be touched. Many of us don’t get the touch we crave because we’re afraid to ask. Starting with this conversation creates trust and openness, allowing us to feel safe to let go.
Connect through breath – Spend a moment breathing mindfully together. Synchronising your breath helps both partners relax, align with each other, and drop into a shared state of presence.
Giving Ecstatic Touch
Intention over technique – The quality of touch is rooted in your presence. Touch from your heart, imagining that you’re touching the most precious thing in the world. Allow your hands to soften, become fluid and move intuitively. The more conscious and intentional your touch, the more profound the experience.
Stay creative – Touch doesn’t just have to be with your hands. Experiment with your forearms, body weight and different textures. Focus on flow, alternating between different pressures and rhythms. The key is to be present, slow and adaptive.
Slowly build to genital touch – If the moment feels right, don’t rush. Slowly tease your way toward the genitals, focussing first on other areas like their chest, lower belly, or thighs. This creates anticipation and allows arousal to build naturally, without pressure.
Communication is Key
Check-in regularly – You don’t have to be a mind reader. Ask your partner, “What would make this even better?” It keeps the dialogue open and ensures both partners feel good about what’s happening.
Give feedback – If you’re receiving, don’t hesitate to ask for adjustments. Whether you want something slower, firmer, or more focused, offering feedback helps ensure your desires are met. Try something like:
“I really love it when you do 'x', can you do more of that?”
“I’m loving the attention you're giving my 'x', can you [slow it down / make it firmer / squeeze / stroke / hold your hand there etc…] ?”
“I’m craving some touch on my [chest, thighs, back, butt etc], can you please move your attention there?”
As the giver, when you receive feedback, simply respond with ‘thank you.’ This acknowledges your partner’s needs and desires. When receiving feedback, it’s easy to feel judged or criticised, particularly in intimate settings. But instead of reacting defensively, try embracing the feedback with gratitude. Your partner is sharing their desires and inviting you to be part of their journey, which is a beautiful opportunity to deepen connection.
Giving and receiving heart-opening, mind-blowing intimate touch ultimately comes down to three things: presence, intention, and communication. When you slow down, communicate and touch mindfully, touch can feel not only physical but also emotional, energetic, and spiritual. Practising these simple shifts can bring deeper intimacy, pleasure and connection as well as overall satisfaction into your life and relationships.
Learn more about the art of Tantric touch at our upcoming Tantra Massage Training happening in early 2025. Open to all people and couples, no prior experience in Tantra or massage is required.
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