Beyond Physical Pleasure: Exploring the Emotional, Mental and Spiritual Dimensions of Sex

Discover how expanding your understanding of sexuality beyond the physical realm can transform your relationships, reignite desire, and connect you to a deeper sense of vitality and aliveness.

When was the last time sex left you feeling truly alive – not just physically satisfied?

Just as our experience of the world is multi-dimensional, so is our sexual experience. How we experience sex on any given day can vary from a purely physical experience, to a deeply emotional and even spiritual one.

I've been reflecting on the evolution of my own sexual unfolding recently. How it started as a purely physical impulse, then became layered with meaning and emotion as sex became intertwined with love and relationships. The more I explored my sexuality through fantasy and the world of kink, it eventually led me to discover Tantra, and the spiritual dimension of sex.

During my first-ever Tantra massage, I experienced a spontaneous awakening. I entered the centre, where physical, emotional, mental and spiritual dissolved into one and I felt this boundless energy and an overwhelming feeling of wholeness. In that moment, I felt completely loved and accepted as I was, dissolving the shame I had been carrying around my body, desires and sensuality. This experience fundamentally shifted my understanding of our sexual nature – of what purpose it serves in our lives beyond sexual gratification. It showed me how we can learn to connect with this charge in a way that makes us feel more connected, alive and inspired.

At the time, I was both baffled and awestruck. I went into the experience very naively, with little to no knowledge of Tantra practice. What I experienced was more than I could have ever anticipated – I had no idea such sensations and experiences were possible through touch and sexual energy alone. This awakening catalysed my deep dive into not just sacred sexuality, but the nature of sexuality itself.

Through my own study, reflection and this profound experience, I realised there are 4 sexual dimensions available to us – physical, emotional, mental and spiritual. But I'm not the first to discover this. Ancient philosophies like Tantra and Taoism have long understood sexuality as a holistic, multidimensional experience encompassing body, energy, mind, and spirit. While they didn't use the specific '4 dimensions' framework, their practices addressed what we now recognise as physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual aspects of sexual experience. These traditions knew the value of our sexual energy beyond the physical, and practiced with it as a pathway to spiritual liberation (Tantra) and longevity (Taoism). In fact, Taoist practice sees integration and sublimation of our sexual energy as the original bio-hack, with old teachings claiming one can unlock immortality through sexual sublimation. While this may be a far-fetched claim, modern science is slowly beginning to reveal the potency of our sexual energy and its ability to support overall wellbeing – from boosting our immune system to reducing stress and improving sleep quality.

"Traditions like Tantra and Taoism knew the value of our sexual energy beyond the physical, and practiced with it as a pathway to spiritual liberation and longevity."

Dr. Gina Ogden (1935-2018), a pioneer in sex therapy, also knew about the multi-faceted experience of sex. She created the 4-D Wheel of Sexual Experience outlining the 4 dimensions of sex – physical, emotional, mental and spiritual. Plus a 5th dimension, the centre, where all 4 dimensions dissolve into one. She used this framework to help people understand the layered nature of sex – particularly as a way to help people move beyond the performative aspect of sex and experience a new depth of satisfaction by exploring the various layers.

Many people enter my studio seeking a deeper experience with their sexuality, like they know there is something more beyond the physical to discover. Just as we need growth and evolution in life to fulfil a sense of purpose, meaning and connection, our sexuality has this same quality. It's fluid and constantly evolving. If we were to stay stuck in one dimension for the rest of our lives, we would end up feeling unsatisfied in our relationships and sexual fulfilment. People complain about low libido – a lack of desire. Often this isn't because you have 'no desire', but it's coming from a sense of boredom or dissatisfaction with the sexual experiences you are having. When there's no growth or discovery in this realm, desire becomes stagnant.

"If we were to stay stuck in one dimension for the rest of our lives, we would end up feeling unsatisfied in our relationships and sexual fulfilment."

Developing an understanding of the 4 dimensions of sexual experience can help to broaden our minds about what else is out there. What's possible. To pique your curiosity and start exploring the various realms. Growing as a sexual being and developing sexual awareness can contribute to a life of richer colour, connection and feeling. When you begin to broaden your understanding of our sexual nature, you begin to realise how intrinsically connected it is to everything – to our sense of vitality, self-expression, the quality of our relationships, our motivational drive, creativity, desire, the need to be wanted and desired. Sex is a place we go to feel free, to connect, to play, to create, to feel closeness, excitement, release, to learn about ourselves and each other, and find a momentary escape from the mundane. It is both a place of embodiment and transcendence.

To better understand this concept, let's delve into the 4 dimensions of sexual experience.

Physical

For most of us, our sexual experience starts off as purely physical. During puberty, we start feeling the strong sexual arousal driven by our hormones. In our early stages of development, sex is something we do to scratch the itch. To release the sometimes overwhelming sexual drive. Our experience of sex is very much physical – the way our bodies move and feel. How they respond to certain sensory stimuli: what we can feel, smell, taste, hear and see. Chasing the climactic orgasm.

The shadow side of the physical realm is pain and dysfunction. Our bodies not responding the way we want them to.

Try this:

When you are having sex or masturbating, take a moment to focus on each of your senses individually:

• Notice the sensations you feel on your skin, the movement of your body. Then notice the sensations within: your heart beating, the flow of your breath, the tingles, pulsation and vibration of your sexual energy as it flows through you.

  
  

Emotional

Sex and emotions are delicately intertwined. Through sex we experience a full range of heightened emotions – love, longing, joy, excitement, anticipation. Trust – our ability to surrender and let go of control. It is a space where our hearts can open and feel a deep sense of connection.

The shadow side of the emotional aspect is feeling sadness, disappointment, anger, shame, disconnection and numbness in relation to the our sexual experience.

"Sex is a space of surrender—of deep presence to what is."

Try this:

Notice emotions that arise from your sexual energy and allow them to be there – without attachment or judgement. Sex is a space of surrender – of deep presence to what is. When you notice, allow and accept the emotions moving through you at any given time – whether that be love or sadness, open-heartedness or disconnection – we allow ourselves to continue moving through the experience. It's the attachment and control to certain emotions that keep us stuck there.

Mental

Some say our brain is our biggest sex organ. We have the ability to imagine, remember and fantasise. Our imagination can both spark our sexual wanting and heighten the intensity of our experience. Fantasy is a space we can go to explore shadow parts of ourselves and learn to integrate and accept the parts of ourselves we have disowned or felt ashamed about.

The shadow side of the mental dimension is the messaging, judgements and expectations about sex and sexuality we learn through religious, social and familial conditioning.

Try this:

Begin a fantasy journal. Write down your fantasies without censoring yourself. This practice helps you explore your desires in a safe space and can reveal patterns, preferences, and aspects of your sexuality that you may not have fully acknowledged. You don't need to act on every fantasy—simply allowing yourself to explore them mentally can be liberating and help you understand your desires more deeply. Here are some journal prompts to get you started:

Close your eyes, and take yourself to your sexual fantasy….

• Where are you?

• Who are you with? Who are they?

• What’s your alter-ego in this fantasy?

• What’s happening? What you are doing? What is the person / people you’re with doing?

• How do you feel in this fantasy?

  
  

Spiritual

I want to clarify what I mean by spiritual, because often the word gets conflated with religious. But religion is a social construct – a set of belief systems that can help us find meaning and order amongst the chaos. Sometimes organised religion is a way to control people.

But spirituality is the essence of what it is to be alive. It's an energy, an expression of being and connecting with the world that runs deeper than anything else. Spirituality is a completely subjective experience. For some it can be overt and tangible, for others it's extremely subtle.

But we can all tap into the spiritual realm of sex whether you identify as a spiritual person or not. It's the space of transcendence, of feeling deeply connected to yourself or your lover – where you feel your bodies dissolving into one. It's an expansive state of being completely present and in the moment. A space where time stills and feelings of ecstasy and boundless energy arise.

The shadow side of the spiritual realm is a profound sense of disconnection and numbness. A lacklustre experience of the moment.

"It's the space of transcendence, of feeling deeply connected to yourself or your lover—where you feel your bodies dissolving into one."

Try this:

Practice breath awareness during a sexual experience, whether that be solo or with a partner. Breath awareness is a foundational Tantric practice and one that brings you into presence –opening you to the spiritual dimension. Simply notice and observe your breath as you move through your sexual experience and allow your breath to become the thread that connects all 4 dimensions.

The Fifth Dimension: Centre

Gina Ogden added a 5th dimension to her 4-D wheel of sexual experience, at the centre of the wheel where all dimensions dissolve into one. This space is characterised by a sense of ego-death, where there is a sense of complete unity with a higher force, with consciousness itself. Tantra calls it a non-dual state, where light and shadow, order and chaos, flow and stillness merge into one unified state. Here there is a profound sense of freedom and boundlessness. It's a place of clarity, inner-knowing and openness. It is pure unconditional love.

The shadow side is a feeling of hopelessness and despair.

Try this:

As your experience reaches climax, expand your awareness to embrace the whole – physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual. Feel your breath. After orgasm, resist the urge to move or fall asleep. Stay present with the sensations, emotions, and energy flowing through you. Notice the space between thoughts. This liminal space – between arousal and rest, between doing and being – is where the fifth dimension reveals itself. Simply observe without trying to grasp or understand.

---

Understanding the four dimensions of sexual experience opens a doorway to deeper intimacy, connection and aliveness. When we expand our view of sexuality beyond the purely physical, we discover that our erotic energy is a source of vitality that permeates all aspects of our lives. Whether you explore these dimensions through partnered sex, self-pleasure, or simply by cultivating a deeper relationship with your own erotic nature, remember that sexuality is a lifelong journey of discovery. Each dimension offers delights, shadows and opportunities for growth. By exploring all four dimensions, we open ourselves to the fullness of our human experience.

Join my inner circle and get my articles straight to your inbox – along with insights, personal reflections and tips to help you feel more deeply connected to yourself, your partner, and the pulse of life.

SUBSCRIBE